Dear Drivers, I will now give you a THUMBS DOWN!
Jesus said, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, to God the things that are God’s, and to Evan sane drivers and a clear left lane…” (Mark 12:13-17)
Rarely do I ever feel like I’m better than another person because we all have deep flaws and a tendency to forget them in light of others’. On the highway, this enlightenment has not reached so far into my brain. Each day I commute with my co-worker J the twenty-five odd miles each way to The Office, alternating weeks and paying $2.50 a day in tolls. It’s a time for small talk or kvelling on the batshit driving scenarios we encounter daily.
Though I’ve done the dirty dance with a guard rail last May 07 (no parties harmed and my car was returned in under 2 weeks), I consider myself an adept driver who is genuinely distressed about the driving habits of others. Riding in the passenger seat half the time allows me to observe and maybe understand the reasons that people lose their minds on the road (Orlando is annually a Top 10 Worst Traffic Champion).
Our country is currently in a thick malaise, emulsified by dirty politics, a lack of direction, no firm goals and bad enough credit that everyone’s lights get shut off. Giving someone the finger in response to dissatisfaction in their driving habits should be put tossed in the garbage at the next gas station. International variations, I admonish you to sleeve the “V” in the UK and pocket the chin-hand-flippy deal in Italy.
One pissed off man’s “V” is the same as a protester’s Peace sign here in the states. Lord knows every Asian person on vacation poses with a Peace sign for the camera.
I present to you, The Thumbs Down. A symbol that leaves no room for interpretation, none for appeal and ripe with knowledge that the presenter condemns your most recent action. An emotional gallows for your lack of turn signal during an exciting session of Driving Whiled Crackberried.
I’ve field tested this and have seen dramatic results. Recipients are immediately surprised as nothing like this has ever been sent their way, as they’ve been in the right, and only assholes give people the finger. But this?
This is a regal judgment. Someone has taken the time to consider your action and has rendered a verdict. This has been a rational process, tenths of a second long and you now bear the mark of being thrown back into the lion’s den as an ancient goyim would.
Friends and readers, drivers, subway riders, bus takers, boarders, take this with you. Employ it. Spread amongst the masses. Take the offense out of telling your fellow travelers that they indeed have fucked up and need to watch that ass in the future, lest I be given reign at the DOT. Peace be with you.
