nerditry

via Bang the Box. I’m genuinely excited if this portends the quality of Sir Lucius Left Foot. If memory serves (n. Takeshi Kaga), I went straight from work on a Tuesday in November 2003 to make sure I got a first day copy of Speakerboxxx/The Love Below at Best Buy. It quickly became a constant rotation between the two and TLB was now the first album of my favorite bands that told a story when listening from front to back.

You could tell Dre was in a much different place and would not have had the necessary juice to make an Outkast-speed album. Since then, it’s been strange, like parents who are separated, but not divorced and keep giving it a shot over and over again. As a pair, it doesn’t feel like they could get back to the way it used to be, save a move back to the forefront with a new creativity. I have that faith in them and still dig getting funky beats and brainy rhymes from Mr. Patton.

This girl looks like Mel from Flight of the Conchords dressed up as Rosie Perez from the intro to Do the Right Thing.

And just a reminder…

The blue and yellow giant IKEA (found that it’s pronounced ee-kay-ah over thur) opened their location in Orlando a few months back and I made my first and hopefully last trip there for a good long while. You could then say, “Evan, but you love to consume goods and/or services, why not sooner?” Mind your own business.

It’s built at the Mall at Millenia which is Orlando #1 spot for people to shop outside of their pay grade, though the food court still has all of the same mystery food next to PF Changs, California Pizza Kitchen, Johnny Rockets and some upscale shiz.

Real quick, the food court is a strange place. 90% of the food sold is a combo plate containing small bits of chicken in a sweetish sauce, rice or noodles and mixed veg. Now, if you go to the chinese place or the cajun place you get Bourbon chicken, japanese nets you Teriyaki chicken, and mexican for sure equals diarrhea. If you’re at Millenia, head to the Bloomingdales downstairs bathroom in the Men’s Department. Now there’s only one stall, but it’s a handi-crapper close to the size of a mid-town studio, but beware…For such a classy place, they’re trying to pass off something I determined to be closer to half-ply than the luxe Charmin enlisted in mine. Get a good foot of paper there and fold it enough times to ensure you don’t siege Kamchatka in this game of tuchus Risk.

We’ve all got a little Costanza in us!

So, after Ric and I take a stroll through the mall to find me a new hoodie (metal zipper is utmost importance) in plain black and come up blank, we head over to the sprawl. I’d no idea how fecking big this place was. Probably the size of a Super Wally World and two levels, I was instantly overwhelmed by the sheer number of people and the smells of Dill and cheap plywood as incense. Snaking through predetermined routes to confuse the masses into buying random shit, we made it to the cafe.

MEATBALLS!

Finally reaching the nethers of retail, it was kitchen gadget time for this middlin consumer.

See how I spend it, after the cut.

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The biggest story in basketball right now is LeBron acquiring his swagger and blooming it as Ric has been doing with the methane factory installed betwixt his cheeks. If I can head to one of those soon to be closing Sharper Image and find a combination butt plug/hepa filter, he’ll be my android roommate.

**He murdered long, long range threes to close quarters in the last two games. But, after doing this he just froze and stared back at the crowd. It’s coming and when he swaggers out of control one day soon, it’s over for the rest of the league. Seems like his Manifest Destiny tour 2008 could launch this playoffs, time to put his stamp on a Jordan 63-point game performance.**

STARTING @ THE 2ND QUARTER

-Neither of these teams have any interior size to defend with. Their post defense is swiss cheese (no Sefalosha brand Gruyere) and gives up a ton of layups. Same with the Cavs, so far.

-The Cavs second unit needs to pass the ball a lot to get a decent shot. None of them are shot-creators, but mostly shot takers (Wally, Jones, Brown, Smith) who get setup if they move around the screens well.

-Joe Smith is showing enough defense to make Aaron Gray appear to be the second coming of Bill Wennington.

-Damon Jones brings the worst qualities of Diddy to NBA broadcasts.

-LBJ reenters the game and immediately scores and one on Gray who forgot to keep fouling as Bron got closer to the basket.

-3!! LBJ. About 25 feet out for good measure with Wally working very hard against Hinrich. Kirk has given up on defense and just fouls people, but strangely has not been called yet.

-What’s the basketball equivalent of stopping the Agents’ bullets in mid air?

-And now a 1 on 5…GREAT SUCCESS for Bron.

-While it’s too close to call, Superdelegates Freeway and Rick Ross have endorsed Drew Gooden over Deshawn Stevenson.

-Boylan falls on a grenade and takes a tech to get his players riled up for the last 1:18. Tough call on the goaltend, shoulda gone Bulls way.

-Ben Wallace will not be left out of goaltending! Maybe he’s playing like shiz this year due to the $15 kicks which had far too little support for my liking. Steve and Barry’s is a helluva deal still.

-Bron clears the floor in 5 seconds and everyone knew where the ball was going. Running one handed tear drop off the waaay top of the glass. No one could or tried to stop him, but this could be an awesome trend for future buzzer beaters.

HALFTIME

-Chuck comes out with hard facts straight off confirming that the Cavs besides James play down to the level of their opponents. Having a huge night without putting distance on the scoreboard is a dangerous trend if the teammates never get hot.

-Where has Josh Howard been this season?

**The second half after the jump!**

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The 80s. A time when I was coming up, taking notice of the things around and building a repertoire of references for when pop culture knowledge can win cash and/or prizes. Also a time that Jay-Z was having his second set of early teenage years due to his lack of any Bar-Mitzvah be it a man or becoming a wolf en route to becoming a man. No one knows for sure.

The 1980s gave us the big tv intro full of computer graphics and strange synthetic noises.

The greatest sports introduction is that of the NBA on NBC. Because of its weekly occurrences, millions of fans (there were millions watching the NBA on tv then as it will again happen soon, though begrudgingly, due to ABC/ESPN ruining broadcast basketball) this amazing ditty grabbed all of our attention. It was as important as the Monday Night Football song sung by Hank Jr., but relevant because of its lack of pretentious truck commercials and lyrics.

Kids, we either sung the sound out loud, even amongst friends or we actually made up words. It’s true. The same way that I made up words for the West Wing introduction. “Everybody likes Martin Sheen because they don’t know his actual name is Martín Estevez and iiiiiiiiiiiis a better President than Bush…ba da da Even though he’s [Ron Isley Voice]faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkke[/Isley].

We had NBA on NBC Sunday Tripleheaders. And all three games were generally worth watching and always included the Bulls or Knicks and then a rotating cast of Celtics, Lakers, Rockets, Suns (1992+), Sonics, Blazers and those who were flavor of the week or entertaining. Many an event during the run was introed by Bob Costas who emitted a pure, distilled gravitas that Stephen Colbert now uses in sanctification rituals. What drama for an introduction and how good it is to have the same on TNT.

We had Marv Albert at his prime, though we had to contend with Ahmad Rashad. Ohhhh Ahmad. The man owes Chuck Woolery some real scratch for making that 2 + 2 happen when MJ began his ascendence. When Michael learned to fly, Mr. Mrs. Huxtable was eye level with Hair Jordan and he had no problem hosting Inside Stuff.

Word to Willow Bay in the early 90s.

Written and performed by John “Hogan Hair” Tesh

The other invoked such a visceral response I had to scream at a Teddy Pendergrass album. Didn’t even play it, but he was the only person who invokes such emotion with the ability to tell you to the letter what he wants in return.Via the The Sports Guy’s links, the full HBO intro.

Good things were in their way in the 80s when this masterpiece played. Could have been Revenge of the Nerds, maybe Ferris Beuller, I’m Gonna Get You Sucka or Real Sex. I won’t front, we had some type of electronic wizardry for the Home BO hookup in my earliest days remembering tv and when that didn’t work we waited just like everyone else for those few free weekends a year. Our copy of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory from some Labor or Memorial Day went through the vcr for at least 2-3 dozen shows.

What are your favorite intros? Post a video response.

E!NU!

I never played D&D, though some of my friends did. They are nerds, too.

They also played vampire games purely text based, for the fun of dressing up.

So a teary farewell to Mr. Gygax, we will think of you every time a 24-side dice is found under a car seat.

In accordance with D&D rules, he will be buried in his mother’s basement.

Ehhhh.

Next week NOLA.

“My name is Buck, and I’m here to Party” : Kill Bill Vol 1

Doesn’t quite have the same impact as the original.

Good work to TNT for showing so many movies and in full HD broadcast. Off the top of my head, it’s this and Vol 2, Bad Boys 1 + 2, The Fifth Element (surefire way to make me stop flipping), Sleepy Hollow, Drumline, and Four Brothers.

Bad work to the tv edited version redoers. Evocative of “Ted Turner’s Very Colorized Classics” on In Living Color and a seminal [||] portion of the movie. The guy that’s been raping and letting other dudes pay to rape her finally gets his his dim mak and the foulness of it is her angering out “Your name is Buck, and you like to fuck.”

She drags herself into his truck displayed in for real :

TNT gets the gas face for the PARTY WAGON. That sounds like the phony VIP party buses to take your drunk ass to and from the clubs. They even had the picture digitized and called in ILM to replace pooner as the operative noun/adjective.

Respect to my favorite Tarantino effort.

In conclusion :