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These are the real, every night Atlanta Hawks, not the ones who play as five equals. Far too easy to see that there’s no clear floor leader and no respected, been there veteran. They’re a poor man’s version of the Portland Trailblazers, without all of the great coach baggage.

What a difference between the respective second round debuts by Cleveland and LA with both being off for an extended period after quick first rounds. The Lakers appear to think too much and it starts to get in their way, causing people to hesitate on good shots, rush bad shots and dribble or pass the ball too many times. The lack of a strong back court running mate for Kobe, coupled with a rational dearth of confidence in Trevor Ariza’s activities anywhere beyond 15 feet mean the ball is in Kobe’s hands too much.

Idle hands are the devil’s work for Kobe to the tune of 32 points on 31 field goal attempts, more glaring when a mere 6 free throw attempts are factored in. The Lake could really used a second scorer amongst the small guys and I wonder what Adam Morrison’s status is and if he’ll see daylight next season. Kobe is still going to be Top 5 next season, but the window is getting smaller.

Ask Kevin Garnett.

Atlanta Hawks 72, Cleveland Cavaliers 99

Jasper says, “That’s a paddlin’.”

Houston Rocket + Tru Warier + Funny Dude aka Ron “Ron-Ron” Artest

crossed with

Iconic Ethiopian + South Park Lesson Teacher + International Man of Man of Hunger aka Starvin’ Marvin

equals to

Tormentor of Rafer Alston and Anthony Johnson + Seeming Heir to Andre Miller’s Hair Throne aka Louis Williams

Amare’s no dummy. A player of his stature knows when his time is short for that team, ’specially a really bright guy. From my perspective, Amare fell out of love with the Suns when they traded Marion for Shaq (though I have no clue if he and Marion were down) and possibly before that when Phoenix couldn’t figure out if they wanted to run.

Ken Berger @ CBS discusses a Stoudemire to Portland scenario that makes a solid case for both teams.

Phoenix gets LaMarcus Aldridge, Jerryd Bayless and Raef LaFrentz’s expiring $12.7M Golden Phoenix Sizzling Wor-Bar Surprise contract.

An NBA trade…that actually makes sense for all parties as it is the rarest of rumors that fulfills my “To whom, for what?” standard.

Phoenix is solid in the center position with the lesser Lopez (though they are equally inconsistent which is endearing and odd) in development and Shaq doing whatever he does every other game. I’d say that by this time next year, Shaq would be entirely more effective off the bench, playing against 2nd team centers and putting up starter’s numbers in more limited action.

Aldridge does present the same problems that Amare does in a mirror image. L.A. likes to keep it on the perimeter and beyond, adding some post moves to his game this year, still suffering from Rasheed Wallace Syndrome. This afflicts players 6′10″ or taller and keeps them from regularly driving to the basket and easily breaking down their man off the dribble. Currently, the only known cure is video of Kevin Garnett presented by Malcolm McDowell.

The Steve Nash Express is about to go local. Dude was exhausted after his 21 dime performance last week and it’s not going to get any better. Remember, Steve’s rookie year was 1996/97 and out of that draft class, not too many guys are looking so fresh right now. Even Kobe is playing through injury and has added a whole lot more old man to his game in recent seasons.

Bayless is a smallish dude that has more Barbosa [||] in him than Nash, but does a whole lot more to solve their pending problems than Dragic or Leandro do. And attacking the basket is contagious, this is an important trait on a team that often settles for jumpers. I genuinely dig the idea of a Shaq and JB 2nd team dominating their scrubby counterparts and an eventual move to starter.

The expiring contract? Who knows. It could be a pure salary cap move since Sarver loves saving that $$ (re: Deng, Rodriguez).

Portland immediately toughens up their front line, but will have to force Amare to be a POWER forward. Bring back the nasty. Dunk on people’s heads. Everything about the change should be a positive for him. Nate McMillan does an exceptional job getting big results out of his players, the rest of the team has a great attitude, he would be one of the oldest and most experienced players on the squad and would not have to be the star, but could ascend back to that position.

I endorse this trade…unless the Magic have a shot at him.

“With the 60th pick in the NBA draft, the Boston Celtics Draft Semih Erden of Turkey, goodnight.” – NBA Deputy Commissioner Adam Silver

He got out of there like the Sandman was behind him. Commence blovations.

This is a good omen for tonight’s NBA Draft and should lead into a good number of trades and swaps with the number of role players available tonight. We’re on the lookout for trades from the Miami Heat, NY Knicks, LA Clippers, Memphis Grizzlies, Charlotte Bobcats and certainly the Portland Trailblazers who have enough draft picks to stock a new D League franchise.

Summer reading for Jermaine

Raptors receive:
F/C Jermaine O’Neal
41st Pick

Pacers receive:
G TJ Ford
C Rasho Nesterovic
F Maceo Baston
17th Pick

The Raps now have a monster front court comparable in size and ability to the Lakers and the Magic. That’s a huge difference in being able to compete with a big front line from us, the Celtics, Hawks and Pistons. O’Neal is going to allow for Bosh to keep his game in the 15+ ft. range and force defenders to play one on one, but both he and Bosh have terrific jumpers for big men. I’d imagine they’re going to see a lot of zone defense next year and really need to work with Calderon about finding the holes and dishing. A big question is whether they are going to continue to let Barga float around on the outside or is he going to need to be the enabler for their Big 2 and catch the scraps. Either way, his shooting should drastically improve in percentage in volume.

Indiana at the very least gets a guy who takes himself seriously and has the ability to get a triple double on any night. That’s going to be big in getting the other players involved who seemed to be content with watching Tinsley and Dunleavy be the entire offense. An offense with a great deal of motion and underneath passing will be important with a smaller squad and hopefully we can see why they traded for Diogu in the first place. Nice trade for everyone and I think the Pacers will go with one of the project bigs at PF or C with the 17th since Granger keeps them solid at the 2/3.

Just fiddling while Kobe is letting Rome burn down. I’ll try to watch an entire WNBA game this summer afterward and am already happily looking forward to the Draft. Brandon Jennings is like high school Marbury but way over the top.



The Music : A svelte Ronald Jenkees, freshly posted.





Baron Davis aka B-Diddy aka Boom Dizzle aka Donovan McNabb practices what he preaches. The Magic would be nice with him at PG and even Battie at F/C.






Brandon Jennings highlights from the Jordan Classic.






Chris Bosh reporting for the Tonight Show






You can count on Dave Letterman. Obama/Old Man 2008.

The biggest story in basketball right now is LeBron acquiring his swagger and blooming it as Ric has been doing with the methane factory installed betwixt his cheeks. If I can head to one of those soon to be closing Sharper Image and find a combination butt plug/hepa filter, he’ll be my android roommate.

**He murdered long, long range threes to close quarters in the last two games. But, after doing this he just froze and stared back at the crowd. It’s coming and when he swaggers out of control one day soon, it’s over for the rest of the league. Seems like his Manifest Destiny tour 2008 could launch this playoffs, time to put his stamp on a Jordan 63-point game performance.**

STARTING @ THE 2ND QUARTER

-Neither of these teams have any interior size to defend with. Their post defense is swiss cheese (no Sefalosha brand Gruyere) and gives up a ton of layups. Same with the Cavs, so far.

-The Cavs second unit needs to pass the ball a lot to get a decent shot. None of them are shot-creators, but mostly shot takers (Wally, Jones, Brown, Smith) who get setup if they move around the screens well.

-Joe Smith is showing enough defense to make Aaron Gray appear to be the second coming of Bill Wennington.

-Damon Jones brings the worst qualities of Diddy to NBA broadcasts.

-LBJ reenters the game and immediately scores and one on Gray who forgot to keep fouling as Bron got closer to the basket.

-3!! LBJ. About 25 feet out for good measure with Wally working very hard against Hinrich. Kirk has given up on defense and just fouls people, but strangely has not been called yet.

-What’s the basketball equivalent of stopping the Agents’ bullets in mid air?

-And now a 1 on 5…GREAT SUCCESS for Bron.

-While it’s too close to call, Superdelegates Freeway and Rick Ross have endorsed Drew Gooden over Deshawn Stevenson.

-Boylan falls on a grenade and takes a tech to get his players riled up for the last 1:18. Tough call on the goaltend, shoulda gone Bulls way.

-Ben Wallace will not be left out of goaltending! Maybe he’s playing like shiz this year due to the $15 kicks which had far too little support for my liking. Steve and Barry’s is a helluva deal still.

-Bron clears the floor in 5 seconds and everyone knew where the ball was going. Running one handed tear drop off the waaay top of the glass. No one could or tried to stop him, but this could be an awesome trend for future buzzer beaters.

HALFTIME

-Chuck comes out with hard facts straight off confirming that the Cavs besides James play down to the level of their opponents. Having a huge night without putting distance on the scoreboard is a dangerous trend if the teammates never get hot.

-Where has Josh Howard been this season?

**The second half after the jump!**

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The 80s. A time when I was coming up, taking notice of the things around and building a repertoire of references for when pop culture knowledge can win cash and/or prizes. Also a time that Jay-Z was having his second set of early teenage years due to his lack of any Bar-Mitzvah be it a man or becoming a wolf en route to becoming a man. No one knows for sure.

The 1980s gave us the big tv intro full of computer graphics and strange synthetic noises.

The greatest sports introduction is that of the NBA on NBC. Because of its weekly occurrences, millions of fans (there were millions watching the NBA on tv then as it will again happen soon, though begrudgingly, due to ABC/ESPN ruining broadcast basketball) this amazing ditty grabbed all of our attention. It was as important as the Monday Night Football song sung by Hank Jr., but relevant because of its lack of pretentious truck commercials and lyrics.

Kids, we either sung the sound out loud, even amongst friends or we actually made up words. It’s true. The same way that I made up words for the West Wing introduction. “Everybody likes Martin Sheen because they don’t know his actual name is Martín Estevez and iiiiiiiiiiiis a better President than Bush…ba da da Even though he’s [Ron Isley Voice]faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkke[/Isley].

We had NBA on NBC Sunday Tripleheaders. And all three games were generally worth watching and always included the Bulls or Knicks and then a rotating cast of Celtics, Lakers, Rockets, Suns (1992+), Sonics, Blazers and those who were flavor of the week or entertaining. Many an event during the run was introed by Bob Costas who emitted a pure, distilled gravitas that Stephen Colbert now uses in sanctification rituals. What drama for an introduction and how good it is to have the same on TNT.

We had Marv Albert at his prime, though we had to contend with Ahmad Rashad. Ohhhh Ahmad. The man owes Chuck Woolery some real scratch for making that 2 + 2 happen when MJ began his ascendence. When Michael learned to fly, Mr. Mrs. Huxtable was eye level with Hair Jordan and he had no problem hosting Inside Stuff.

Word to Willow Bay in the early 90s.

Written and performed by John “Hogan Hair” Tesh

The other invoked such a visceral response I had to scream at a Teddy Pendergrass album. Didn’t even play it, but he was the only person who invokes such emotion with the ability to tell you to the letter what he wants in return.Via the The Sports Guy’s links, the full HBO intro.

Good things were in their way in the 80s when this masterpiece played. Could have been Revenge of the Nerds, maybe Ferris Beuller, I’m Gonna Get You Sucka or Real Sex. I won’t front, we had some type of electronic wizardry for the Home BO hookup in my earliest days remembering tv and when that didn’t work we waited just like everyone else for those few free weekends a year. Our copy of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory from some Labor or Memorial Day went through the vcr for at least 2-3 dozen shows.

What are your favorite intros? Post a video response.

E!NU!

Searching around for old basketball memorabilia on the bay, I got smacked in the face with fashion for Barcelona 1992. I remember seeing the commercials for Kellogg’s cereal advertising this jacket which you could only get by sending in a proof of purchase(s) and some generally small amount of money…think under $25.00 and this beauty could be yours.

I was not dying for one in having to own one, but like Guitar Hero, I needed to see it in person to make an informed decision. When that day finally came somewhere in Pembroke Lakes, FLA I was presented with a unique piece to say the least. Imagine a pillowy, matte white trash bag with elastic round both sleeves and the waistband all crimped up and ready to endure suffering through Blossom to watch the Fresh Prince[||]. The cheapest part of this getup? They used the exact same pictures on teh front and back! Looks like Stockton, Bird, Malone, Robinson and Mullin.

Now check out who made the jacket in conjunction with Big Bran? TYVEK!

These are the same folks that make the plastic sheets that go around new houses under construction and all the other goodness that comes with a dwelling. This is DuPont mother bitches. These guys have their fingers in everything including all of the secret societies that everyone seems to know about these days: Skull and Bones, Freemasons, Knights Templar, Bilderberger, Trilateral Commission, Council on Foreign Relations, The O-Jays, occassional touring members of Parliament Funkadelic in the 1990s (this didn’t include a Cameo (n. Word Up! re: Korn sucks) in PCU), Separate Ways (a Journey cover band), S.C.U.M. (we’re the Planeteers, you can be one too) or S.P.E.C.T.R.E.

What they have done is stepped up the level of fashion possible when it’s time to not inhale some kind of avian death. God help us all if that shit breaks out at Pollo Tropical because Florida will just up and fall off the map altogether. The country will be geographically circumcised and we’ll be floating back to Cuba…

This is the Tychem CPF 4. Biggest benefit? Level B splash protective. I’m thinking in my world this would translate to necessary kit after any trip to McDonald’s for breakfast. Never, ever eat the Steak and Egg Bagel. That thing got me sick enough in 2 hours that I had to go home and crap that stomach guy from Total Recall.

Tychem Reflector. This is for going into space with. By space I mean reenacting the scene in Rocket Man where dude farts in his moon suit. Drug up a friend, slip them in here and create the world’s most perfect dutch oven. Next Halloween go as future Marty scaring the shit out of his dad with Van Halen.

To keep it old school, for the discerning germophobe.

We’re just lucky they didn’t make Magic wear one of these against Angola.

I’m not sure if the bulls are there, yet. But they could be and really soon. They’ll also have to pay a lot of guys, a lot of money which already includes Ben Wallace’s albatross.

The below thoughts have not been approved by the NBAPA’s Lupercia Ten, Assistant to the Director of Security. This will be really short.

• Joakim is a freak of nature and was a steal at 9. Reports of him putting on 20 lbs of muscle in the off season are a direct response to draft commentators saying he may be too skinny to play the 4. He wasn’t weak, but a lack of mass is tough to work around unless one is KG so this could make the difference. It’s possible that Chicago could enter into a similar scenario as the Broncos did last year. If Jo gets integrated successfully in a relatively short period of time or if Big Ben doesn’t start the season in 2nd or 3rd gear, fans and the front office could put the screws to Scott Skiles.
• More Jo. He’ll be a great foil for Tyrus. Initially it seems possible for an Amare and Shawn-type combo trading three pointers for sheer imposition of will. The former will have to all the sudden develop into Connie Hawkins impersonators to get that soft butter smoothness in the open floor with the ball in their hands. Maybe somewhere in the middle of them and early Ducan and Robinson and a lot more roughness around the edges.
• Ben Gordon and Kirk Hinrich should have the chance to throw and insane number of successful lobs this year. 2+ assists per game as a team is realistic and a hell of a group to attempt a rebound in between.

The greatest sports video in internets history